"Show us your wanger!"

Ever since That Guy hollered the first demand for Freebird!, there have always been assholes who yell out stupid things at shows. I can't pretend to understand what they're thinking when they reach a lull in the performance and decide that they simply must prove to their favorite star that they are, in fact, a fucktard of immense proportions; maybe they think they're special? That they're witty? That the hero on stage will stop the show and invite them onto the stage for a duet? Whatever, dipshit.

I'm sure they have been at every show I've ever been to, but only recently have I felt that an appropriate reaction on the part of security would be to take them outside and have them shot.

OK, so maybe my inner Ceauşescu has been more prominent recently, but how else are all those "that guys" (male and female) going to learn?

Maybe we can just shoot that first inappropriate yeller. Take 'em up on stage, make a big deal out of them and whack. It's win-win: they get the attention they apparently crave and we get someone to serve as an example.

What prompted this was the Kids in the Hall show last night. It was great (as expected-- although no Simon and Hecubus this round). Most of the show was new material. This was my fourth time seeing them live (I don't mean to brag. No, wait. I totally do), and in the past only about 40% was new. And, when the stuff isn't new, some people take that as an invitation to yell out the punch lines ("Hyuck! I'm crushing your head, you! Heh heh heh *fart*"). When the stuff is new, it tends to dazzle the yellers into temporary calm. Then a comedic pause comes up and they start to holler about loving Dave and, in the case of the douchebag in front of us, "Show us your wangaa!"

Does anyone even know what that means? I'm pretty familiar with most of the KITH oeuvre and I've no idea where this came from. Someone please: enlighten me.

This dude, one row up, also threw up the rock 'n roll hand sign every now and then, but fuck if I could find any rhyme or reason to his flailing salute.

You know, nothing makes me want to throw a rockin' signal more than Buddy Cole.

This winner was so obnoxious, the guy sitting next to him actually got up and moved to an empty seat nearby. And then? This loser? Actually turned around and yelled "shut up" at another douche who yelled something about loving Mark McKinney. His poor girlfriend, she ended up showing us her dick.

(See what I did there? Huh? Get it? Oh.)