Hot flashes, check it and see

Art shamelessly stolen from Paper and Threads.

For the past several nights I have woken up bathed in sweat. Since that is a symptom of Insulin Emily at Night*, I have been dutifully getting up and checking my blood sugar. But it's been normal (well, high - but that's normal for me). So, what gives? Is it the great ceasening? The big halt? The bloody conk-out?

I don't know. What say you, Wikipedia?

"Rarely the ovaries stop working at a very early age, anywhere from the age of puberty to age 40, and this is known as premature ovarian failure (POF), also commonly referred to as "premature menopause" or "early menopause." 1% of women experience POF, and this is not considered to be due to the normal effects of aging. Some known causes of premature menopause include autoimmune disorders, thyroid disease, diabetes mellitus, chemotherapy, and radiotherapy, however, in the majority of spontaneous cases, the cause is unknown. "

[Family members: stop reading here] A six foot tall douchebag once told me that I "wasn't sporadic enough", by which he meant I wasn't spontaneous enough for him because I refused him a hummer whilst he was driving across the Bay fucking Bridge in a two-seater convertible. So, clearly, spontaneous occasions like this are not for me. Oddly enough, though, my issue does qualify as sporadic... spooky.

[Family members may resume reading now]

So anyway, I'm two for five. Is it enough to push me prematurely into cotton ponylessness? Kick Aunt Flo to the curb? Finally stop this litany of painful euphemisms?

Of course not. And yes.

*She's not as fun as the daytime IE since everyone is asleep. The dreams that precede her appearances aren't even any weirder than normal. Nighttime IE is just a pain in the ass.